Another Random Ramble....

Feb 11, 2011  2:37am You know, sometimes it sucks to be me.  Ok, that came out wrong.  Let me rephrase.   There are times when it's difficult to be me.   Okay, that sounds petty and painfully obvious.  Fuck it.  Sometimes it sucks to be me.  Yep.  That's it.

Somebody asked me once: "What makes good art?"  The truth is, I don't know.  Nobody does.  If somebody tells you they know the secret to being a great artist, they are either full of shit or have little talent.  But I answered the question anyways:  "What makes good art?"  Well, I suspect it has something to do with sacrifice.  Everybody gives up something, now and again right?.  It's true.  Being an artist of any sort takes a lot of time and effort.  Sacrifice.  You gotta give up something to get someplace.   Dig?

So what then, did I give up?

Well the first thing that comes to mind is a college education.  I dropped out of school in order to pursue music full time.  It's not a choice I regret, however.  I'm fine with it.  Most kids in college have no idea what they want to do with their lives anyways.  That's what college is for:  exploring options.   Luckily for me, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.  I've wanted to do it since I was 14 years old.  Play music for a living. I made up my mind when I was just a kid.  Best decision I ever made.  It's taken me places I never dreamed of.  And the crazy thing is -- there's still lots more to do.

Sounds great, but what's that about sacrifice?

Everyone I know is happily married or at the very least has someone to come home to that they are in love with.  I haven't been in love for many years.  I've forgotten what it's like.  As I get older, I start to wonder:  Will it ever happen for me? Am I going to miss out on one of the most fundamental experiences of human existence?  Because why? Because I chose to ignore all of my romantic relationships in order to work on my craft?  Was that foolish of me? Or is it precisely the reason I enjoy even the moderate success that I currently experience?   It's a tough question.  Perhaps the two are unrelated.  Perhaps not.  I don't know the answer.  But it nags the shit out of me each day.

This is a conversation I have quite often.  Between me, myself and I:

Me: Fuck this bullshit!!  So many hot chicks at my show and not one of them is single!  The only attention I get is from old women twice my age.  What a drag!

Myself: Easy, tiger.  It's all good.  They all enjoy the music, that's why they come to the shows!  You're making people happy! Isn't that enough?

I : Did I remember to turn the heater off at the house before we left?

Me:  Look at the blonde over on the left.  She's about to take off her shirt.  Fuck yeah!  What an awesome gig!!!

Myself: Dude, her boyfriend looks pissed off.  She must be drunk.  Better not pay attention.

I:  Do they have Waffle Houses in Vermont?

Me:  What a drag.  Everyone in the band is married and their wives are all here.  They're gonna go out and have a good time and i'll be stuck on the bus reading George Orwell.

Myself: Pay attention!  Here comes the bridge!  Don't forget the words, asshole!

I: Who the fuck is George Orwell?

Me: Oh great, I'm gonna get cornered later by a bunch of old smelly farts who want to freaking chit chat.

Myself: Not unlike yourself,  you chitchatting mother-fucker!

I:  I'm craving a hotdog.

I really don't know what the point of this whole post was,   Oh yeah --- sometimes it sucks to be me.   Only sometimes though.

The honest-to-god truth is this:  What brings me the most happiness is when I am able to bring others happiness.  I try and do it through my music.   I endeavor to create what I believe to be good and true in the kingdom of music.   Perhaps a man can only have one true calling....